


Sloping Edges

by quintessentialidea



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Humor, Hurt, Romance, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-26 03:04:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quintessentialidea/pseuds/quintessentialidea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She stood there where it all began, palms moist and her throat dry while there he stood waiting for her answer. Hanji held her breath and closed her eyes, "And you know what? I fell for you in the most unconventional way possible."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Scars

.

.

.

Hanji Zoe tucked the stray lock of hair behind her ear as she marveled at the sight before her. On top of the wall with nothing but the wind and the birds occasionally flying above her head, she can say that finally she felt at ease. Coupled with the magnificent view of the outside or the ‘world’ as she calls it, she couldn’t help the smile that made its way to her face. Of course, adding the sight of titans at the foot of the wall, with their deep moans and dopey looks made the view better.

She turned to walk to her favorite spot, five-hundred-seventeen steps away from the lift behind her, not five-hundred-twenty. Hanji Zoe was never particular about numbers, of numbers being divided equally into half. She was never for even numbers. She was Hanji Zoe and if there was one word that describes her whole existence it had to be the word ‘odd’. She preferred to be unique—well, different, since if everyone’s unique it would only mean that everyone’s the same. It was the perfect spot, a balance between mankind and their enemies, views of colored, towering roofs against the vast clear, blue skies and the looming trees blending in the horizon. It was her escape, and frankly, a few minutes outside her lab was for the better. She might lose her mind if she stayed inside for another second, if only Moblit would just do her a favor and stop being paranoid about her every move it would do so much good.

A gust of wind made her yelp, hands fumbling for the goggles on top of her head. Quickly, she snapped them on after pulling her hair out of the way. Managing to secure the contraption on her face she continued to walk, counting every step she made until she saw through her peripheral vision a figure sitting exactly where it would all end. She observed the hunched figure looking down on the titans below, lean, a mop of black hair dancing with the wind, the green cloak of the Legion securely fastened around his shoulders, 3-D Maneuver Gear strapped into place, clean, white pants and polished boots—

“Levi?”

The figure cocked his head towards her, an eyebrow arched in question, eyes narrowed and mouth set into a grim line. It took him two seconds before he clucked his tongue and turned his attention back to the titans, dismissing her completely.

“Fancy seeing you here.” She started, walking towards him.

“I should say that to you, after all you’ve been down in your lab for god knows how long. I actually thought that you might have died there already and yet here you are alive yet reeking of death.”

“And of course you would take pleasure on cleaning the whole place up after your discovery of my death. Nice to know that you’re one of my friends.”

He spared her a glance, grey eyes narrowed. “Who said I am?”

“Who said you aren’t?” she countered back, a grin plastered on her face. “Anyways, hiding?”

“Taking a break.” He flatly replied.

“Break? It’s only been two hours.”

“You don’t even know how long two hours can be with those idiots around you.”

“I would’ve given you a cigarette by now if I had any.”

He regarded her with surprise and a bit of amusement. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t. Cigarette smoking, compared to tobacco, has more dangerous effects on the human body. I researched—“

He smirked, turning away. “I figured as much.”

“I give them to the poor scouts who are getting nerves. Quite a good solution—and then they become dependent on it and abuse it.” She shrugged, “At least they’re no longer apprehensive. Do you smoke, Levi?”

He cast her a look of ‘are you seriously asking me that question, you imbecile?’ “Do I look like I do?”

“Well, considering your clean-freak nature and the thought of smoke clinging on your freshly laundered clothes, I don’t think you do.”

“Brilliant.” Was the only thing he said before ignoring her again.

“By the way, Levi, you’re on my spot.”

“Says who?” Hanji sighed, so he was in one of his moods right now.

“Says me. Now move before I kick you. I’m asking you nicely, Levi. So please, just do as I say. I didn’t walk that far only to find someone steal my spot that I use for my relaxation.”

“Walk? You rode a horse, you dimwit. If there’s someone or something that’s worthy of the spot as you say it has to be your steed.”

“I can just push you over, actually. A little kid like you—“

“I am not a kid. I am older than you, Squad Leader Hanji.”

“Pulling up ranks, Captain? I’ll have to say real mature. Now, if you’ll please move I would be so delighted, or we can share the spot. But then you really aren’t fond of sharing, are you?”

“This isn’t your spot. I don’t see your name carved on it, no claims or marks or anything, what makes you think that I would—did you just push me?” there was a murderous tone in his voice, enough to make a new scout piss on his pants but she was used to it and she brushed it off. 

“There.” She pointed out, triumphant.

“What’s that supposed to be?”

She fixed him a confused stare. “Marks. Just like you asked for.”

He glanced at the spot where her hand was and reached for it. “These are scratches… quite too deep. But then,” he looked at her smugly, “this wall has scratches all over it, this can be not your spot.”

“Yeah, that’s true. But then, these scratches are deep. Too deep for my taste. Too much, sometimes that I believe it would never come off, not in the next years or so.” She watched an eagle soar high above them before turning back to him. “If you’re not going to accept that,” she paused, “I peed on it like dogs do when they claim their territories.”

“That is revolting!” Levi said with pure disgust, pushing himself off the wall. “What on earth—“

Hanji was laughing at him as she plopped down on her spot. “You should’ve seen the look on your face! And why would I even do that? That’s disgusting!”

Huffing at her childishness and embarrassed about his reaction, he crossed his arms and looked down on her. “Considering that you’re a pig, it’s hard not to believe.”

“Well, that got you off didn’t it? So it worked. That’s all that matters. Say,” she said, dragging the ‘a’ for too long. “What’s the reason why you’re here?”

“I told you, I’m taking a break.”

“Are you sure? Because,” once again dragging the last syllable too long, and at this point she had his full attention, “because I’ve heard that you’re in love with your recruit! So I thought that maybe you’re here to, oh I don’t know, think about her or something. Anyways,” she said with a giggle, practically amused at the turmoil of emotions passing on his face, “she is so pretty! Like a ray of sunlight in your darkness! The broomstick to your dustpan, the mop to your—okay, okay!” she conceded, raising both hands as surrender.

“And who told you that?” he snapped.

“Oh it got around, I hardly think it would matter. Knowing you, you’d lash out at anyone regardless.” She grinned at him, “So, I won’t name names. Speaking of names, the name’s Petra Ral, right?”

“Tell me, do the words privacy and boundary never cross your mind?”

“So you don’t deny it?”

“I’m not confirming it either.”

“You sound like Commander Pixis and Irvin during inquiries regarding Titan attacks, which also means that it’s true—and,” she cut off, noticing his effort to deny her accusation, “I know you well enough, when you deflect or evade an issue it is true. So, how’ve you been with her? I heard you had a lot of private lessons with her—”

“Shut it.” He hissed, turning his attention back to the titans below them as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. 

“And that you treat her kindly.”

“That’s because she’s a girl,” he answered flatly. 

She regarded him with utmost shock, “I’m a girl and you don’t treat me differently.”

“You’re not a girl. You’re—“ he looked thoughtful for a moment that Hanji thought it was disturbing, “Hanji.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and snorted, “Nice to know I belong to another sexual orientation I’ve never encountered.”

“Of course you’ve encountered it,” he tsk-ed, “asexual, like titans.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that you still treat her differently.”

“Do you expect me to treat her like the pigs under me? Will you stop that disgusting look you’re giving me? I am not in love—no, attracted to her or anyone. She’s my subordinate and it’s immoral to think of her having that trivial emotion for her when we’re in the middle of this bullshit.” He waved his hand dismissively, “only fools would choose this time to render themselves weak by that emotion.”

“Well, contrary to what you believe,” she started, tracing the scratches on the wall, “I think this is an appropriately inappropriate time to fall in love with someone.”

“I must be having a nightmare,” he drawled, “Hanji Zoe talking about love of all things.”

She ignored his jab and continued, “This is the time when you don’t expect things, heck, you see everyone at their worst and finding someone who would accept you—blood-splattered, emotionally drained, traumatized, weak, cold, undead, angry—is something that is so comforting. At least there’s this one person who accepts all of you, not only the good side but also the bad. And, I believe that it’s nice to break from reality once in a while. You know, feel normal. Live normally.”

“Like fools.” He repeated.

“Precisely. Only trivial stuff matters. What time to wake up, what to cook for lunch, who should I invite over for dinner, what to wear, and so on. There are no deaths, no people to protect, no people to watch die... just live.”

Silence dominated and Hanji chose to continue her ministrations on the scratches until Levi spoke, “This is the first time I heard you talk about it—love, don’t tell me you fell in love already, Hanji?”

She looked up and frowned, “But of course! I may act this way but I also have a heart unlike some people I know who deny their feelings as if it’s the most dangerous thing in the world.” Looking pointedly at him.

“Really?”

“Yes, and as a matter of fact, I fell in love here,” gesturing to the wall, “precisely where we are seated at the moment. Don’t give me that look, I am telling you the truth.”

“It’s hard to believe.”

“I was standing right here. Overlooking the plains outside the wall, the titans in the horizon advancing towards the wall, their hungry faces hopeful, their lower extremities creating a cacophony against the land—“

“And what did I expect? Of course, titans.”

She opened her mouth to argue when a distant sound of feet pattering on the wall caught their attention, she turned to the source of sound, a petite figure from the distance advancing slowly towards them. She squinted her eyes and made out a halo of golden hair flowing with the wind, wide amber eyes and a flicker of worry on her delicate face.

“Petra.” She heard her companion say.

“Heichou, Hanji-Hancho.” She answered, bowing to the two of them, ten steps away from where they are. “Umm… I know it isn’t a good time—“

“It is,” Levi interjected, throwing Hanji a sideward glance. “What seems to be the problem?”

“Two squads are currently arguing in the grounds, Heichou and, well,” she looked away, “Mike-Hancho has not been any help at all downstairs—please don’t tell him.” She added nervously. Hanji shook her head in disappointment, Mike was probably hung over at the moment, knowing too well his habit of going to local pubs on Fridays. 

She felt Levi push himself off the wall, brushing against her side, his gear scraping against the wall, unbeknownst to him. Hanji stared at him: tall and powerful, hands dusting his pants off before walking away from her without a back glance. 

She watched the two of them walk back to the lift, their backs getting smaller at every step they took. She glanced at the space where he last sat and touched the new marks: faint, short and barely there. She traced them with her fingertips and looked at the vast horizon.

“Yes,” she said to herself, “titans.”

.

.

.


	2. Slips

.

.

.

“What—“

“’Anji!” Hanji stared at the wobbling figure making its way towards her, hunched and carrying the scent of intoxication. Under the waning light hanging on the washed-out wall behind her and the candles inside the kitchen, the figure’s face bathed in an orange glow: unkempt blond hair, red eyes, a slurring mouth and flushed cheeks. Hanji took a step back to evade his attempt of wrapping an arm around her shoulder as an invitation, “’Anji, ‘anji, ‘anji it’ r’ymes wi’ Kanji!” He then threw his head back with a roar of broken laughter before leaning against the wooden railing beside him.

“Mike? What on earth are you doing out here?” She asked, reaching for his arm to steady him. God knows what would happen if he ends up falling on his head, and she wouldn’t take any chances of being responsible for his irresponsible behavior.

“Oh nothin’,” he drawled, “just—drunk-in’.”

“That’s not a word.”

“Of course I’ is!” He argued, “It’s drinkin’ w’en you’re drunk, Hanji. ‘ow dum’ of you no’ to kno’.” He rolled his eyes at her, muttering something about her being the smartest when she doesn’t even know the word.

She was about to argue with him about the rules of grammar when another figure (unlike Mike when she saw him earlier) standing tall and walking straight, approached her. She released Mike from her grip and squinted her eyes, trying to make out who the person is.

“Nanaba.”

“Hanji.” Was his surprised reply, “Er—hi, fancy seeing you here?” he offered, a nervous smile on his face.

“You’re drinking?”

“Drunk-ing!”

The two of them ignored Mike’s outburst, “No, Mike is. I’m just there to stand by and watch out for him.”

“But why outside? Couldn’t you just drink inside? It’s freezing out here or are you doing—“

“No.” Nanaba stressed, eyes narrowed at her. “We aren’t doing anything. It’s just that this drunkard right here,” he motioned to Mike, who was now wrapped around him and sniffing his neck with abandon, cringing in annoyance, “preferred to drink outside and well, I really can’t take the massive amount of paperwork Irvin dropped on my—“

“Tha’ goddamn’d stuck up blond gi’. Ever since Levi came ‘ere ‘e just rubbed off on ‘im. N’ver seen Irvin so ramrod straight like a fuckin’ stick is shove’ up in ‘is ass. Know w’y we’re drinkin’ ‘ere, Hanji? It’s becaus that gi’ removed all my rights visitin’ town durin’ Friday, so I can’ drink any’ore, can I? Can’ see them ladies no mo’. There, I said it, what you gon’ do about it, huh?” He ended his speech by burrowing his head on Nanaba’s shoulder.

“So he’s that drunk.”

“Yeah,” He answered, “am celebratin’ ma lost freedom. Join us, c’mon, c’mon.” he snatched her arm but failed miserably, “we got ale an’ gin an’ sake an’—“

“Actually, Hanji. If you don’t want to—“ Nanaba began.

“No,” she waved off, “It’s okay, actually. It’s just what I need tonight.”

The whooping cheer of Mike rang into the night as he pushed himself off his partner, walking back to where they were before  
Hanji came, “Damn that guy’s going to get us all killed. Shut it, Mike! Keep it down!” at Mike’s shout of ‘alright’ the two of them knew that it was a lost cause. “Bad night?” Nanaba asked, turning to her.

“Bad day.” She corrected, “Levi was angry at scouts being incompetent earlier, I’m angry because some of the new ones are beyond stupid. And of course there’s Moblit. It’s just too much. Heck, I might throw myself down the wall one of these days.”

“Ah, and what would we do if we lose you? No more early morning ruckus about titans for breakfast.”

“I only did that once,” She frowned, “and that’s because there were no pots available in my lab that day. It’s not like you ate real titan parts.”

“But it was a sight that I’ll never forget. I can still remember Levi’s face when he saw all the vomit on the floor and the wasted food, and the scouts holding their stomachs, it was just precious.”

Hanji smiled, remembering the day clearly. “He locked himself up in the hall that day, right? I actually told him that that was my Christmas gift for him.”

Nanaba laughed, “Still one of the best things here.” The two of them reached the secluded spot behind one of the stables, a small fire in the middle of a crate of milk, a small haystack and a legion’s cloak (presumably Mike’s). Near the fire are two bottles of ale, three bottles of gin, one half empty, and several broken bottles of sake, fresh from the stock in the cellar, she supposed.

“You just robbed the Legion of its monthly stock of spirits, Mike. What would Irvin say?”

“Bah!” Mike waved his hand off, taking the gin and guzzling an amount that made him hiss and cry out, “wha’ wou’d he say?” Mike snorted, “tha’ guy just drinks an’ drinks tea, like ‘e’s some kinda lady. ‘Ardly think ‘e’ll miss these.”

Hanji bit her lip, “If only Irvin could hear you know.”

“Take a seat, Hanji.” Nanaba motioned to the milk crate. She noticed that Nanaba sat on the haystack, as if reading her thoughts, Nanaba shrugged at her, “Mike’s bound to pass out in a little while, I hardly think he’ll consider where he’ll be sitting later. Sake—oh, no we don’t have any, gin?”

At Hanji’s nod, Nanaba snatched the bottle from Mike’s hands and handed it to her. She looked at the mouth of the bottle skeptically before inhaling, it burned. She took a gulp of it and roared at the burn her throat felt. 

Nanaba took it from her and swigged some for himself, wincing at the burn.

“Hardly freezing now, is it, Hanji?” He joked.

“Yeah,” she said. “It’s warm.” She wrapped her arms around her knees as she stared at the flickering flames, taking turns drinking from the same bottle the two of them have shared before her entrance. She talked about trivial things, answered Nanaba’s questions shortly and ignored Mike’s attempts of sniffing her to find out if she smells any different if she’s drinking. She watched the stars blink, the clouds drift, covering them momentarily as the wind blows above them. They talked, laughed, gossiped, and watched Mike roll on the ground, declaring he’s a dog of the military until Levi came to the conversation. 

She half-listened to the short jokes, Mike’s drunk imitation of Levi, and his rants about Levi being so stuck up, opting to block him off her head. Earlier, after staying on top of the wall, she walked back to her lab and drowned herself in work, telling Moblit to stay out of her lab and keep all the other idiots away from her. She honestly didn’t care if he’s not in love with Petra Ral, she just hated herself for feeling this way towards him when it never should have happened in the first place. Levi was a comrade, and like he said earlier, having such feelings for someone is foolish.

Then what a fool she must be. But then how could she not? He gets her and still accepts her for who she is. Never mind his wariness when he deals with her every day. Still, acceptance was a something Hanji searched for in people. 

“Speaking of, where is he anyways? Shouldn’t we keep an eye on Levi? He might see us here and—“

“Take’ care of,” Mike answered dutifully. “Erd an’ Auruo did somethin’ tha’ made Levi so mad he’s been wi’ ‘em since dinner time. If they get outta there alive, guess it’ll be after midnight o’ so.” He threw the now empty bottle in his hand and reached for a new one before passing it to Nanaba.

“Did you hear about the rumors, anyways? About Levi giving her extra lessons? I wonder what they might be. Is he training her to be another Levi of the Legion? Or is Levi, you know… infatuated with her or something?”

Mike snorted and said wryly, “’ell, with a girl like ‘er? I’d give ‘er more than extra lessons.” Mike whistled, earning dirty looks from Hanji and Nanaba.

“You’d better watch out, Mike. Levi has special feelings for his subordinates. He’d rather not hear what you just said or I guarantee you, he’ll be out for your blood”

“Yea’. ‘Eard from Auruo tha’ there’s this one kid from the other squad, moonin’ over ‘er and Levi gave ‘im hell, there and then. Everyone’s suddenly no’ in’erses’ed in ‘er anymore. Bu’ na me.”

“He said that he doesn’t.” Hanji supplied.

“Doesn’t what?”

“Give extra lessons?”

“Love her,” she snapped, “or feel anything for her or whatever else.”

“Yeah, tell that to me when he didn’t scoop her out of a flock of titans outside last excursion.”

Hanji looked at Nanaba in surprise. “He did?”

“Oh, yeah, you weren’t there. But yeah, it happened. I guess that’s what fueled the rumors. I mean, if Levi’s here to fight for us, he’s here to die for her.” Nanaba drunk from the bottle and grinned.

“Some fuckin’ fairytale. ‘Nigh’ saves the damsel in distress.” Mike shook his head, “Wha’ fools.”

“Yes,” Hanji agreed, “what fools indeed.” She snatched the bottle from Nanaba’s hand and emptied it. “Why would you even die for someone? That’s fucking stupid.”

“But it is romantic.” Nanaba argued. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“It’s not romantic.”

“Knowing you, Hanji. Your definition of romantic is having someone deliver you a bouquet of titan heads as a gift.”

“Ha, ha. That is not romantic at all and I’m not into romanticism anyways. Are you really my friends? If those girls are out there waiting for a knight in shining armor to sweep them off their feet under the moonlight I’m different—“

“Of course.”

“—I don’t want a knight, I don’t want someone protecting me. I don’t want him to come save me like I’m some kind of powerless woman that I’m not. I want to fight with him, I’m not going to be there saying ‘Oooh, what big muscles you have and what long sword you carry, my lord’, and I’m certainly not like a fucking princess, okay? I’m Hanji. I can fight for myself and I’m not going to wait around for a guy to come. I’m going to search for him, if there ever is someone out there.”

“Well, that’s surprising.” Nanaba said, “Hanji Zoe talking about fairytales and love and destiny—“

“Funny, that’s the second time I heard that today.”

“So, you found him already?”

“What?”

“Your man, that guy, whatever.”

“Oh, him.” Hanji looked down, remembering the faint scratches Maria and shrugged. “I have.”

“Oh-ho!” Mike howled, eyes wide, “You did? ‘anji Zoe? Found a guy she likes? Le’s wai’ fo’ the twist in thi’ story. Tha’ guy’s gotta be a titan.”

“It’s not. But there are titans involved in the story. Now, you must vow to me that this would remain a secret until you die. You are not to tell anyone about this—“ Nanaba held his hand up. 

“Hanji, don’t worry, and this is going to be good if we’re sworn to secrecy. Sure, Mike won’t remember this tomorrow and you have my word, Hanji. Now, I wonder who could it be? Must be Moblit—“

“Far worse,” Hanji interjected. “It’s Levi.”

It took several moments for Mike and Nanaba to speak or even react at what she just disclosed. She watched them from the blurred image the bottom of the bottle, waiting, waiting. It wasn’t love at first sight, Mike knew how much fascinated Hanji was with Levi but it never went to liking him. She was so amazed to find a kid, a kid inside the Legion’s headquarters. Everything went downhill from then. Levi hated her, often opting to get the hell away from her the moment he hears her voice. It didn’t stop Hanji though, she annoyed him, bombarded him with questions about the Underground and his personal life. Levi cursed her, she didn’t mind.

Soon they became friends—in Hanji’s book—Levi still denied it, until that fateful day.

The fifth excursion she participated in the moment she entered the legion. It was early in the morning, on top of Wall Maria as they surveyed the plains outside the wall. Irvin permitted her to have a specimen from the titans awaiting them outside and that was enough for her to dive headfirst into the battlefield. She gets the titan, they collect information about the outside. She didn’t care, so long as she gets a pet for herself she let the others be. 

But then she failed. First, it was due to her incompetent Garrison members (Hell, they weren’t into fighting). Next was because of Moblit pulling her out of titans’ way every now and then (“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ONE IF YOU ALWAYS PULL ME AWAY, YOU IDIOT?”) and the third and final straw was getting injured. She remembered getting thrown against the wall, crushing her bones in her right arm and dislocating her shoulder when one titan, in excitement, she supposed, charged against her. The next thing she remembered was being pulled up, screaming and crying about not being able to get at least one she could play with as some scout who knows about first aid tended to her. She sat there on the edge of the wall, bloody and covered with dirt, tears and snot, as she wailed about her unfulfilled dreams.

There was sound of something falling down nearby, a cloud of dust reaching them, covering everything in sight. She recalled the sharp cry of the 3-D Maneuver Gear scraping against the wall filling her ears as she sat by the edge of the wall, growing louder at every second. Finally, as the dust cleared, Levi stood at the edge of the wall. 

“We’re bringing it in using the gate, we don’t have enough reinforcements to keep a look out at the other titans that might come in. we need a few more people,” he reported to Irvin, uncaring about the blood stained uniform, and the broken blade in his hand. He turned to her, head cocked to the side and eyes narrowed. “This enough to shut you up?”

She remembered wailing out and thanking him like he was an angel sent by the heavens. And she knew then that she fell for him.

“WHAT?”

Nanaba dropped the bottle of gin

“Yep,” Mike said to himself. “I need to drink more an’ I’d rathe’ no’ remember thi’ t’morrow. Hanji in love wi’ Levi!” He reached for the unopened bottle of ale and promptly guzzled out the contents. “The world’s about to end!” Hanji was really fascinated that it was the first sentence of the night he managed to say clearly

“I’m not in love. I’m attracted to him, I mean, I was, not a big deal.” Hanji argued. “And it’s not like I’m going to marry him and have babies with him—“

“BABIES!” Mike took another swig. On the other hand, Nanaba was also muttering the same word noiselessly.

“And he doesn’t like me. He likes no one, or that’s what he said earlier, but I don’t fucking believe it—“ Mike set the bottle down, “LEVI!”

“Yes, Levi. Okay, now just stop—“ She threw her hands up, “I suddenly regret telling the two of you about this!”

“LEVI!” The two said simultaneously.

“OKAY! Just shut up—shut up! It’s not a fucking big deal, Mike! And you saying his name might bring him here, you buffoon!”

“Tha’s eve’ worse than titans… Levi.” He muttered again, “I mea’, Levi.” He shook his head and groaned, “I’ll jus’ drop dead an’ forget about all thi’ shit right now.”

“Funny, that’s what he said to me too earlier this morning. He compared me with titans, what a match made in heaven.” Hanji said bitterly. 

“Levi…” Nanaba muttered to himself over and over again like a mantra, eyes wide in confusion and surprise, “I never thought of it, at all. I mean, Irvin yes, but Levi? Levi? Honestly, Levi? I’ll just take another drink—“

Hanji rolled her eyes at Nanaba, taking a swig at the bottle Mike held in his hands.

“Levi.”

“Okay, you’re just being weird right now. Can you stop saying his name like it’s a prayer?” Hanji snapped, poking the now unconscious Mike on the ground, mouth hanging open, Levi’s name still on his lips. 

“LEVI!”

Hanji rolled her eyes at Nanaba’s childish expression, taking another gulp from the remaining liquor in front of her, “Come on, no need to shout it like it’s some kind of a dirty little secret or as something that would lead us to an apocalypse. I hardly like him now, because he’s being Levi and it happened way before so stop your—“

“No,” Nanaba swallowed, raising his hand to point at something behind her, “I meant that.”

Hanji placed the bottle down on the ground and turned to where he was pointing. In the shadows, barely illuminated by the fire and the remaining stars up in the heaven, stood the Captain, arms crossed and eyes narrowed at the sight before him. If he heard everything about what she just disclosed to the guys with her (one dumbfounded and one sprawled on the ground after her confession) he didn’t let on.

She was half glad she put the bottle down before she turned because at this point, all she wanted to do was chuck something at him before fleeing the scene.

.

.

.

“No, stay here. You clean up.” She said to Nanaba, making her way towards Mike who was slumped on the ground, unconscious. Heart pounding hard against her ribcage, sweat rolling down her back as her mind’s gears went to work, she hauled Mike up from the ground, his arms slipping from her sweaty hands thus falling down with a loud crack that she prayed would not turn to be a concussion in the morning before trying again, reaching for the other arm.

Mike was already draped across her shoulders when she felt him: Levi, the warmth of a person that just came from a bath and the scent of soap, the one he buys in the nearby town because Military provisions smelled like candle wax, reached her nose. She felt Mike’s weight on her shoulders decrease as Levi, on Mike’s left side, held onto Mike’s arm. “It would be faster—“

She threw Mike’s arm away from her body and took a step back. “What is wrong with you?” He snarled.

Yes, that was the right question to ask her in such a situation. Honestly, what was wrong with her? Why was she acting flushed when it’s just Levi, short, ill-tempered, grouchy, clean-freak, humanity’s strongest soldier, helping her? It didn’t matter before and—and, it was not like their faces were inches apart. They’ve had their moments like that before and it never bothered—why were all they flashing in her mind’s eye right now? What was wrong with her?

“I’m never going to drink again.” She grumbled clutching her head. It made her talk, act and think in ways she never expected and it was wrong, that was what’s wrong. 

“Damn right you aren’t.” was his flat-out reply, “Oi, Nanaba, if you’re done clearing that out help me with this oak. I can’t carry him back to his room alone.”

“Dam’ right tha’s true, sho’ty.” Mike slurred, “wonde’ w’y everyone’s so into a small fry like you—even ‘An—“

“No, no!” Hanji piped up all of a sudden, already under Mike’s right arm again. “I can do it, Levi. You go help Nanaba clean up!” 

She pried Mike’s arm off Levi’s shoulders and waved him off. “We made a lot of mess, and seeing that I’m taller than you I can take Mike to his room faster—“ It didn’t make sense because Levi can lift something twice as heavy as he is but she still went for it, and she didn’t miss the look of anger on his face, “and you like cleaning up mess, right? So there, go, shoo. I’ll handle this.”

“Why don’t I just—“ Nanaba offered.

“No.” She protested, “I’ll do it by myself even if it takes me all morning to do so!”

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters down! How was it? I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to give your thoughts. Oh, and please bear with me. I apologize for grammar or punctuation mistakes in this chapter and the previous one as well. Thank you for reading!


	3. Extraction

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She wiped the sweat rolling down her cheek with a swipe of her arm, taking deep breaths using her mouth as she stared at the sprawled man on the cluttered bed, his deep snores reverberating in the small room. Hanji rolled her shoulders and cringed in pain as her joints protested at what she had just done, clearly annoyed at her petulance and stupidity. 

She couldn’t blame herself. She panicked, she didn’t know what to do. She only had two options in that kind of situation: fight or flight. Naturally, she would’ve approached such a situation straight on, acting nonchalant, borderline reckless—just like her good old self. She would’ve even drawn her blades at the titans, showing bravery and determination. But he wasn’t a titan. She couldn’t approach him with her battle strategies and action plans. He was different, unpredictable. No matter how many times Hanji Zoe has encountered such a situation with him, she can’t cope. Levi was like a puzzle that was never meant to fit: a battered box full of mismatched pieces that never made sense and yet still does. It was unnerving because she couldn’t understand him and yet she does—but really, now that she thought about it she doesn’t, not by a long shot. And so, she chose the latter choice, wanting to save face and probably her hide from him—the only person who managed to bring out something that didn’t exist in her, the one who unmade her.

She slumped on the floor like a tired scout, head in her hands and knees tucked to her chest. She was sober now, sober enough to realize her mistake of disclosing such information to her two friends with carelessness. She would bet that people heard her confession from the dormitories. She blamed the alcohol, swearing never to touch another in her life.  
What would she do now? She thought, leaning her head against the mattress, Mike’s legs next to her, hanging precariously. He wouldn’t be able to feel his legs tomorrow morning, she mused to herself. Not that she cared, hell, she blamed them too. She blamed everyone but herself.

But it wasn’t her fault, at least not consciously. She blamed the irrational part of her: her heart. She wondered how her heart managed to fool her brain to have a mind of its own. It didn’t even give her a warning when it happened. It sprung up—like an unwanted weed in her garden of peonies, or whatever flowers there are in a peaceful and beautiful garden—catching her off-guard and leaving her to fend for her sanity.

“Blasted organ,” she grumbled, “why won’t you just do your job? Is pumping blood a job too easy for you to do? Is that the reason why you have to meddle in my perfectly normal and boring life, to defy the norms? Repeat after me: Hanji Zoe is not a foolish being who renders herself weak with such an inconsequential emotion. She does not love, she does not care—in short she does not feel, especially for someone like him.”

Thump.

She sighed, it was a lost cause.

She would’ve torn her heart out of her body if she didn’t need it. But she does, and she just has to deal with the repercussions.  
But how would she deal with it? After all, this was her first time to feel this way. Just the thought of it—of recognizing and accepting, finally accepting, that she felt something for him after ages of denial, repression and rationalization—made her throat swell and her stomach churn. She clamped a hand on her mouth and took a breath. She wondered what people usually do whenever they encounter such feelings.

Normalcy. So this was how normalcy felt.

A load of crap, she thought. What made her say such a thing anyways? Normalcy? For her, normalcy was sleeping at three o’ clock in the morning with her sheets thrown on the floor, normalcy was tying another titan down while cooing at him, normalcy was not taking a bath for three days straight, normalcy was berating Moblit for his stupidity, normalcy was laughing with Mike about another prank they had planned for Levi.

Not love. Not this twisted, gnawing, disgusting feeling under her skin that she wanted to get out of her body.   
It was bad enough that she acknowledged such emotion to exist in her, but to accept? That was too much.

Fool.

Yes, yes she was. Just like he said. 

She blamed that day, blamed her carelessness, blamed him for caring, blamed him for bringing the one thing she wanted the most in her life like it was nothing, like it was the most natural thing to do in the world. 

But never herself.

Because she was caught off-guard as well.

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She was on the same spot she’d been sitting on the moment Nanaba came to check up on Mike at six in the morning. Nanaba towered over her, a worried expression on his face as he waited for her to reply at his inquiry of how she was feeling. She didn’t hide the scowl on her face when she pushed him out of the way, grumbling something about who checks up on someone who’s drunk at such an early time. Nanaba chose to be a better man and ignore her jab, patiently telling her to wash up as if she were a petulant child. She ignored him and ran one hand through her tangled hair, the other wiping sleep off her eyes.

“Hangover?” He asked a bit jovially. Hanji resisted the urge of punching him in the face. Among the five of them, Irvin was considered the lightweight, Hanji followed, then Mike, then Levi and lastly, Nanaba. She hated his smug tone and being a morning person. Some people just like to see the world suffer and wallow in their misery. 

“Fortunately, no.” she grumbled, “But I bet that he would have one later on. Let him have a lie-in.”

“And let Irvin have my hide?” Nanaba scoffed, nudging Mike’s legs to wake him up, “I’d rather not. Besides, none of us can have a lie-in today. Some people from the Military Police are downstairs, seeking an audience.”

She rolled her eyes and pushed herself off the floor, bracing herself for the agonizing pain that would envelope her. As she stretched, she wondered how she managed to sleep there without feeling anything afterwards. “An audience?” She asked him, stifling a yawn behind her palm, “What for?”

Nanaba shrugged and sat down on Mike’s bed, a frown on his face. “Who knows? Actually, who cares? I wonder if Irvin would grant them one. It’s busy as it is without them sticking their nose in our business.”

“Probably snooping around to get new dirt on us.” She offered. “Why won’t they just let it go? Hell, there they are not doing anything but drinking until they pass out, eating expensive food, sleeping in proper beds while we’re here risking our lives, what more could they want?”

“Maybe they’re bored.”

“Who knows?” Hanji threw back, grinning. 

He laughed and pushed himself off the bed. “Why did you sleep here anyways?” He sported a confused look on his face that made Hanji nervous.

“Why, where was I supposed to sleep last night, Nanaba?”

“In your room.” Slowly. 

“Carrying this buffoon was enough to deplete my energy, you know. How I’d have managed to go back to my quarters is beyond me.”

“I mean,” He looked thoughtful before asking her, “say, last night, did you—I really can’t rely on my memory since I was a bit sloshed last night—” Hanji snorted, “but I vaguely remember you saying something about Levi,” she swallowed, “about Petra, then…then…”

“Then?” She pried on, hoping he’d forgotten about it.

“You confessed.”

Her heart stopped.

“That?”

“You’re in love,” he said slowly, disbelief and astonishment in his eyes, as his memory of last night slipped into consciousness, “with Levi.”

She couldn’t breathe.

“With Levi. My God, Hanji! You’re turning red and green at the same time! How on earth can you do that? I’ve never seen such a phenomenon! I wasn’t imagining things? You really did confess to us? You’re really in love with Levi?”

“I am not in love. How many times do I have to repeat it? And yes, I did confess to the two of you and it’s proving to be the greatest mistake I made in my life! I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.” She added bitterly.

“You shouldn’t have fallen in love with him first.” He said amusedly. “Levi. I mean, Levi.”

“You are starting to sound like a broken record. Can’t you just, I don’t know, forget about it? Bury it in the recesses of your mind?   
Never speak of it again? And what does that have to do with me sleeping in Mike’s room and you thinking that I should be in my own bed?”

“Besides being the most logical thing? Levi told me he’d check up on you and Mike last night. At least that’s what I last heard him say.”

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Did he check up on her last night? On them, rather? Hanji couldn’t shake the feeling that he did and he took his time glowering at the two of them. Other than they’ve been pathetic, incompetent and proved to be a parasite of the Legion because of the stealing, which she didn’t do, she remembered doing something idiotic in his presence last night. She should’ve just fled the scene, ran away and never looked back. To hell with Mike lying concussed on the ground, to hell with Nanaba gaping at her like a fish, and to hell with Levi because of what he had unearthed in her—

The monkey screeched, pulling her out of her reverie. “Now, now. We haven’t even started yet.”

She even avoided breakfast today in order not to interact with him. Nanaba looked at her curiously and Mike asked her if she was crazy to skip breakfast when they drank last night. She ignored the two and went to her lab, shut the door and demanded Moblit to take in her new subjects. What was wrong with her? Why was she even running away? It was unlike her to run away from a problem or avoid it like the plague. Besides, it was just Levi, he was not a big deal. Nothing about him was a big deal. She grinned at her joke and blocked off all thoughts about him as she prepared to work. 

She was in the middle of extracting an eye from one of the monkeys the scouts caught for her squad when he made his presence known. Levi cleared his throat, catching her off-guard and pulling the eye too harshly from the monkey and crushing it in the process. To make matters worse, the monkey screeched and clawed through its binds as blood squirted all over her coat.  
Hurriedly, she mopped the blood off her coat and tried to placate the one-eyed monkey. 

“Levi! Don’t startle me like that!” She chastised. “Don’t you know how to knock? And where’s Moblit? He should be cleaning up this mess!”

“I knocked.”

“I didn’t hear you.”

“Probably because of that monkey’s screeches and its brothers inside the cage horrified at the preview of their fates.” She looked thoughtfully at the monkeys in the cage, wondering which one will take the spot of their fallen brother. “You’re probably right.” She pulled the blood-stained gloves off her hands, chucked them into a bin, and missed. She didn’t bother picking it up since it drives Levi crazy. True enough, when she turned her attention to him, his eyes were fixed on the gloves. “So, what brings you here?”

“Reports.” Still not taking his eyes off.

“Casualties? Or Progress? Which one? Wait, am I supposed to pass some to you or are you here to give me some?”

“What do you think?”

“Both?” She offered. “I don’t know if Moblit’s done with it.”

“You let him do your job?”

She looked confused, “Isn’t that what he’s supposed to be doing for me?” She walked to her desk, skillfully maneuvering through the stacks of books and paraphernalia cluttering her floor. “Isn’t Petra doing that for you?” Hanji flipped through the nearest folder she could grab and threw it. “Moblit should do a bit of cleaning, it’s starting to get cluttered.”

“That’s because you’re a rat in a form of a disgusting pig pretending to be a human. And no, I do the reports myself because I am a responsible person.”

“Or because you don’t want her to do anything.” Was out of her mouth before she could stop it. When it finally registered she shut her eyes and mentally berated herself for her tactlessness. “Look, Levi—“

“What?” He was settled in one of her functioning armchairs, riffling through some of the folders he found on top of her out-tray. Once he pulled out a bulky folder, she breathed a sigh of relief. Moblit managed to compile her observation notes, bless that man.

“I didn’t mean to say that.”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” He chucked the other folders back to the tray.

“I didn’t mean to debauch Petra or her duties or anythi—“

“I didn’t hear anything you said and I don’t care.” He reached for the folders once more and shuffled through them.

“Well you should! I mean, you know.” She added anxiously, eyeing him with trepidation and terror. 

“Know what?” He pulled out the black folder labeled ‘Casualty’ and turned it open, chucking the other folders back to the tray once again.

She blinked at him. “You know, the one—yesterday—wait,” she halted, “you don’t know?”

“I’m not you, four-eyes. And frankly, I don’t know what’s going on inside that unsettling mind of yours.” He stood up and took a pen from her desk and began to read. “Unless you tell me what’s going on in that mind of yours only will I know.”

She worried her lip. He looked at her. She stopped. “Are you going to tell me? Or are we going to drop it?”

“Let me get this straight, you don’t know anything about—about—about—“ she shuddered, “last night? I mean, you don’t know anything at all?” He remained stoic and Hanji felt her heart flutter, heard bells going off in her head, choirs of angels singing in exultation for this miracle. Her lips curved into a smile as she tried real hard not to show any emotion in front of him.

He didn’t hear her. He didn’t hear her confess to the two idiots last night. She was saved! She didn’t need to explain to him about the bullshit she told the two. She didn’t have to be embarrassed in front of him. She wouldn’t be ridiculed by the man in front of her. She didn’t need to deny anything because he hadn’t heard anything last night to begin with.

Oh, sweet, sweet fates. This must be her lucky day.

She glanced at him with a wide smile plastered on her face. “So…”

“Are you talking about your session with the drunkard and the poor excuse of a guardian last night?”  
Her smile faltered.

“Because yes,” He said, closing the report and twirling the pen, “I heard.” 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it’s a cliffhanger. Yes, I think I know some of you are beyond frustrated thinking about what’s going to happen next. I can’t promise you anything but this story will end soon. I’ll be posting the next chapter soon to make up for the long wait. What do you think will happen next? I’d love to hear what you have to say. Thank you for reading!


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